Every Character He Calls Family

Credit: ABC/Getty Images (3), Jill Johnson/JPI

Here We Go Again
Now that Jason has risen from yet another grave — they just don’t dig ’em as deeply as they used to — he’s going to have to get reacquainted with his loved ones. And though he doesn’t seem to be suffering from any sort of amnesia, you may be. So let’s review his family tree all the way down to its roots, shall we?
Even Cowgirls Get the Blues
Despite what this photo may suggest, Jason’s mother Susan Moore was not a Yellowstone ranch hand but an ill-fated scheme queen who imagined that becoming Dr. Alan Quartermaine’s mistress was a two-step toward becoming mistress of the manor. Operative word there: “imagined.”
‘But It *Looks* Like There’s a Doctor in the House’
Alan and wife Monica, who came to love Jason as her own, would have liked nothing better than for him to follow them into the medical field. Alas, a brain injury in his youth left him more interested in putting people in the hospital than treating them once they got there.
They’re a Package Deal
Though post-knock-to-the-noggin Jason shed the surname Quartermaine in favor of grandma Lila’s maiden name, he remains — whether he likes it or not — forever tied to the Port Charles family that has as many quarrels as it does $100 bills. And Monica’s kinfolk have a lot of C-notes. D-, E- and F-notes, even.
His Family of Choice
When Jason pledged his allegiance to made man about town Sonny Corinthos, he did so for life. Or, in his case, lives. The don and his flunky may squabble now and then, but at the end of the day, they are as close as brothers. As you can see, brothers who play Rock, Paper, Scissors all wrong.
Best Friends With Benefits
From the moment that Jason hooked up with Carly Spencer in the 1990s, they were as thick as thieves. They’re not blood-related — thank goodness, what with all that sex — but they are and always will be connected by a bond that can never be broken. Hell, Jason even forgave her for cheating on him with Sonny and marrying the mafioso over and over and over again.
‘Slytherin? Really?’
For a while there, Jason pretended that Carly’s son with his now-deceased half brother A.J. Quartermaine was his. (Anything for a pal!) Even after the truth of Michael’s paternity was revealed, Jason remained supremely protective of the young man, at one point going so far as to get arrested in hopes of looking out for him behind bars.
Starter Wife
In bygone days, Jason got all hot and bothered just thinking of Port Charles High classmate Brenda Barrett. But by the time he married the model, his feeling was less, “Oh, let’s go, sexytime!” than it was, “Yeah, whatevs, let’s act like we’re a couple so we don’t have to testify against each other.”
The Real Deal
Jason’s second wife was Sonny’s half sister Courtney Matthews, who seemed to be under the impression that getting hitched to a hitman wasn’t a shortcut to a life of nonstop danger. Once she realized her mistake, she busted their union, moved on to more disastrous relationships and ultimately died of encephalitis.
Twinsies?
Jason was so very made for his third wife, Sonny’s ex-lover Sam McCall, that they even dressed (and stood!) alike. But despite her fondness for playing with fire, she eventually snuffed out their relationship before she was required to start planning funerals for her kids. Speaking of whom…
‘You’re Not My Father!’
Jason’s son Danny for the moment has as a father figure his uncle, Drew Cain. And honestly, the kid couldn’t do any better. Drew is so cut from the same cloth as Jason that he was at one point mistaken for Jason and offered all of the same romantic options as his former twin.
‘Witch’ One Are You?
When Scout was born, Sam believed that Jason was the father. But since that Jason turned out to be Drew — who knew? At the time, no one! — the real McCoy is only the guy who’ll come running anytime the little girl cries uncle.
The Odd Couple
Consider Damian Spinelli Jason’s brother from another mother. The hacker idolizes the underworld enforcer, and the underworld enforcer… Well, let’s just say that it pays to have someone around who can fix your Internet!
‘If You’ll Just Stay *This* Far Back… ’
Nah. Jason got a whole lot closer to Elizabeth Webber than this picture makes it look. Once engaged, the ex-lovers even have a son, albeit one that they let the world believe was her ex-husband Lucky Spencer’s, lest Jake wear the same target on his back that all Mob moppets do.
Like Father, Like Son
How could anyone ever mistake Jake for anyone but Jason’s son? They have the same hairdo, the same wardrobe, the same aptitude for brooding. Like Daddy-O, Jake was even once presumed to have been killed. As if!
Unfinished Business
When Jason tied the knot with Carly, it was only because it was Sonny’s turn to play dead, and they had to show the Five Families that they were strong. (And what says “Fear me!” like marrying your boss’ widow asap?) But a funny thing happened between “Will you be my wife?” and “I do”: The old flames reheated. Perhaps now that Sonny is alive again and divorced from Carly, and Jason is alive and his last hookup Britt Westbourne isn’t, the former Mrs. C will ditch Drew, throw caution to the wind and pursue the brother she’s always really wanted.